POOK

I don't know how many are aware of what happened to me when I came to Utah. I remember I was Osmond crazy at the time. It did wear off. Because of them, I saw that there was another species of family out there -- without the beatings, the alcohol, the meanness.

But when I came to Utah it was because I knew I needed to change from a drunkards daughter to someone of quality and I knew I couldn't do it if I stayed in Illinois. I bought a Greyhound bus ticket and rode 3 days. My plan was to stay in a YWCA. No internet then so I didn't know that there weren't any of those in Utah. Weird. I felt like I just had to come, so I did. A friend called their friends and they said I could stay with them.

While at the bus station, I was picked up by Dr. Merrill Oaks, a Provo ophthalmologist and father of 9. His wife, Jo...had just had baby Sterling a couple of months earlier. This was in February, 1977. Oh my goodness. It was a huge blessing. The Oaks family is amazing, everything you can imagine. All so talented, beautiful, handsome, and their parents --no words. Jo was American Mother of the year, I think in 1972. She got up early every morning to listen to all of her kids practice piano, violin, cello, etc. There was music every where. They treated me with great respect.  And I was from unpleasant past, with no notion of how to do anything how to do my hair, how to dress, how to be Mormonated.

OK - fast forward 30 years. Sterling now has 4 children. Kathleen lives in Belgium. All the children are grown adults who have gone to college and made something of themselves. My goodness Amy Jo is gorgeous! Wow. And the music talent in that family is prodigious.

I called Jo yesterday after conference. I call her in humility - because I know it must have been hard for them to take in somebody like me. I call her in gratitude for all I learned there. They took me to get my Patriarchal Blessing and fasted with me. She remembers my kids names and that Graydon was in Georgia. My own step-mother doesn't even care about the kids. (Good thing we have Grant and Nola!)

I wish - sigh - well nevermind this part, ---unimportant and bringing it up has no merit. But - she invited Randy and I to come and visit her. Honestly, I LOVE them.  But a small part of me - feels like - I am unaccomplished, underachieved, and not a good parent. What would I tell her about me and my family? That I hung up on Ryan last night - because he was so rude it made me cry? That I am never good enough? And does she even need to know these things? I wish I had finished college, I wish I was a better mother, I wish I was a powerhouse woman...but alas - all I am is what I am. And I'm afraid to go see her. She is totally amazing.

They have served 3 missions. The last one was at the Winter Quarter Temple for 3 years....so she says they will be home for awhile. They live in North Salt Lake.

Jo is a wonderful musician as well. She plays the organ. Her Family Home Evening Lessons were perfect for children (and a new convert!) She is a great cook. She is NOT a whiner. She had a hip replacement a few years ago....but she is still going strong. Dr. Oaks is steady, warm, and never forgets a name.  They are ordinary - but extraordinary at the same time.

Yes. I have met Dallin. (Um, Elder Oaks!) It's crazy....off the pulpit and around his family, he is funny and a big tease. One can't help but like him.

Stella Oaks was the single mother who raised Dallin and Merrill. She took me to the theatre and talked to me about the magic of performance. She talked to me about Joseph Smith and keeping my testimony strong. She too, was an amazing woman.

So as much as I want to see them....I'll probably put it off ... and then she will call and wonder why I haven't been down there yet....because I'm scared spitless. I know all that I am not. POOK.