October 30th

I survived my test this week. I only worried and fretted a little. I felt that I was ready as I could be and was just going to do it. I scheduled it last Friday so that I could get it over with. I probably could have reviewed another week....but I was afraid I wouldn't test well. (I usually don't!) So I just did it. I reviewed a little and jumped in. (Like I do most things) The Objective portion on anatomy, grammar, and medical terminology went well. The Practicum was 8 dictations, fortunately all English speakers. I did have blanks. I hope the blanks are the worst part and that I did well. I am going on with life while I wait for results. I've cleaned a little, played the piano a little, went to the library and got a book to read - short stories by Daphne DuMaurier. I did not know that she wrote "The Birds." Her ending is a little creepy. Perfect reading for Halloween.

I wonder if any of the kids from the ward are coming for trick or treat. The past 9 years....we've had none...unless Shaylee and Kaden Bradbury dropped by. Maybe I'll buy a bag of treats just in case.

Julie is moving out. Well--she has been out...but now she is really moving. On Tuesday she is leaving with her boyfriend and his family to go to Georgia. The 3rd poorest state in the nation and also the 3rd highest in unemployment. She informs me over and over again that they love her and she feels loved by them----so she is going. I told Randy I would just lay in the driveway and let them roll over me on their way out of town. That will hurt less than my heart hurts. Oy Vey.

As Tambi Tueller reminded me....Julie has been taught...all we can do is wait. But that statement of "They love me." is a stake in my heart. WE LOVE HER. I will miss her. It would be amazing if she treated us as well as she treats them. It would be amazing if she would act like we were important to her, besides just an excuse to get money. Oy Vey.

I know she is in Heavenly Father's care. I will need faith. The visiting teaching message this month was on the mothers of the 2000 stripling warriors. You know? I think that message was for me. So that I will NEVER DOUBT, NEVER WAIVER, but stay true to my covenants and to what I know is right. I thought I was teaching that lesson for Dianne, but I discovered it was for ME. That I am the one who is weak. I need shoring up. I was so grateful for Tambi's comments....I came home and had a long conversation with Randy....he is still my best friend no matter how life is...and Julie is determined to do things her own way. I hope she remembers that we love her and she can always come home.  Meanwhile, I will be faithful.

I am making homemade rolls today. Sometimes when I get stressed....I bake! Like Kitty on the 70's show =O) (I hate that show - it is so vulgar!--but that Mom is so much like all of us.)

Today was an amazing conference. President Monson spoke. I got to hold Annie Neslen until she fell asleep. What an angel. And then Tanner came and colored by me. I felt so blessed. Annie and I were in the Nursery room looking at the pictures of Jesus. I had this feeling of complete peace come over me that everything would be okay. I am so grateful! And Tanner's trust in me is boggling. But he has this light in his eyes...sometimes I see Cannon as he must have been as a boy .... and sometimes I see Valerie looking back at me...and I feel like hey, maybe I'm not such a terrible mother. Heavenly Father loves me and is watching over me. I know it--- and today I felt it, a gift, a reminder, that HE is in charge.