November 6, 2011

The best end of the day...getting to talk to Ayden, Kayla, and Taylor via Skype. Isn't technology wonderful? It has been a terribly sad, blue, day and I am grateful to get to visit with them a little. I wish I could have kissed up their necks too...but I was able to sneak in a couple on Annie Neslen, so the day wasn't a total wash without kisses.

I wonder if I will spend the rest of this life always wanting more. Wanting to be and do more. Is this all I am? Just a mom, a mother-in-law, a grandma, a wife....is it enough? I still have my list of 88 things...that seem so foreign and far off. AURGH. A constant battle with what I want versus who and where I am. Pooky. The things that used to bring me such enjoyment seem pitiable and pitiful.

I think some of this is because I didn't pass the test. AND I have no job---AND the holidays are coming. DOUBLE POOK. AND a lot because Julie is gone and I miss her. I can't believe how much. She is such a bugger when she is home...and yet I miss her.

Thanksgiving is coming...and it will just be three this year. I should be grateful. I should be happy. I should be content. I should be, should, should be, should, should, should. And I'm not. TRIPLE POOK.

Good thing tomorrow is Monday--- maybe I can get a grip on myself.

I'd like a voyage on the Dawn Treader. A duel with Reepicheep. AHA. What I really need? Time to go to the Temple. It's a date. Wednesday. Whew.