Do you think that Heavenly Father sends us tests? Or that life is just one big test and the tests are from Satan and earthly trials? I never think, holy cow, what is Heavenly Father trying to teach me here? I think, oh, this is an earthly problem, then I get on my knees and ask for help deciding how to proceed. I have had a stinky day every day since I accepted the call to Primary. Now, I do not believe that Heavenly Father is sending me bad days. I think Satan is trying to discourage me....and I need to know how best to proceed. I'm sure when I am set apart things will even out. But the bad days are bad and Julie is a real test for me right now. I keep telling myself that she is young and will grow up...maybe I am just tired. I have had Bella quite a bit since Julie got a job in the mornings. So not only am I supposed to be typing for Tanner Clinic, I have to feed, change, and entertain Bella. I am so grateful for Netflix and Clifford the Big Red Dog. It saved me today.
My daughter in law and her three children and two dogs are here visiting for 10 days and then they will go to SL and stay with their other Grandma. I am glad to have them for this short time. My daughter-in-law Kellye is a most splendid person. I feel like I am a TERRIBLE example when my life is going all pooky on me. At least I have Beloved. And Marley. And I have not had one suicidal moment since 2008. So life isn't all that bad I guess.
Really, I think I'm trying to get myself right side up, but it is difficult for me when Julie makes a bad decision, followed by another bad decision...and I am biting my tongue to not be bossy, or critical. If she were 7 or 8, I would say, hey, how about we fast and pray about this...but she doesn't want to hear it now.
Did you know that at the Temple there is a worker who types all the comments in the prayer boxes and then puts the typed list into the bag on the altar? I was amazed. I happened to be there when the sister was typing my comments. she said, Oh I love these, I wonder to wrote this." I told her it WAS me, the paper said, "Heavenly Father I don't want anything today, just expressing my gratitude to be here and for your watchful care." Some times I draw hearts and "I love you!" or "El Shaddai, I thank thee." and then sometimes I do put names in as well. I just don't want HIM to think I am an ungrateful sot and always begging for his attention, like a kid in Farr's Icecream Store.
Maybe I just need to get outside more. Things usually "just come out in the wash" as my Grandma used to say. I need more patience I guess! Hm. I am finally in 3rd Nephi chap 10. I am plowing through Psalms as well, so the BOM is taking a back seat to full study. Aren't the scriptures marvelous----they bring peace to me....at least temporarily this week. I'm going to the Temple on Friday, that gives me hope.
I hate it when Bella messes around with the TV. Now I can't get the cable channels to work. Technology is a beast sometimes.
I loved Maleficent. And I don't care for Angelina Jolie at all, but it was a good story. I loved that "true love's kiss" was not a prince, but love from someone near and dear and could make a difference. I hope Julie knows how much I love her...or maybe she will remember.
I've been telling my grandkids stories about the orphanage and foster homes. I try not to tell them too much. Ayden cried for me. He is 10. I felt terrible about it. He asked if that is why God means so much to me? Because I felt watched over? I didn't know God then, but looking back I know I was watched over and protected. They are not LDS, Kellye is episcopalian. but they are good people. Kayla asked for a Book of Mormon. I told her to ask her Mom and if it's okay, I will get her one. It's hard to tell with kids sometimes, what they hear and are learning when I least expect it.
I hope you are having a good week. The summer is lovely, but I'm not really ready for monsoons and temps of 50 degrees.
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