August 13

I have been preparing for my family history class tomorrow. It is about collecting family interviews. I haven't had much cause to do that - but it is interesting to think of the information that could be gleaned. I requested a death certificate on Monday for Jacob Lauderback. The company called me from Mississippi because that's where the request went...not Missouri. I called back. I'm hoping it got resolved. Will call them again this Monday.

The computer modem and router died (both the same week) and so the lap top wasn't working and I had no internet to study. POOK.

Something I am thinking about.
This feeling of despair that is threatening to overwhelm me. This sadness that eats away when I'm not looking. No - I am not taking my meds. I know I should, but I can't write or practice!!!!!  Those things are so important to me that maybe it is worth some bad days.

I called Steve Neville several times. He told me he would bring Savannah over to see the baby bunnies on Friday. Of course no one answers the phone if he is not home. This reads like I'm cranky...which I'm not. I won't mention it again to him. I'm sure he is busy and the bunnies are almost too big now to hold and enjoy. I'm glad that Jess Peterson was able to come see them.

My to do list was huge today - but Randy and I went to the Cache County Fair to see the Quilts and stitchery displays. (How many guys would do that????) Anyway - we saw some lovely embroidery and I discovered there is a new embroidery shop up in Logan that will specialize in flosses and patterns.  I was thrilled to see so many 4-H stitchers entered, because I worry that beautiful work will become a lost art. I remember how delighted I was when Valerie taught me to stitch. It was a gift of patience from her and now I enjoy the finished products.

After the fair we stopped in to see an old friend, Mary S. Gale. I worked with her at Mountain Plains Regional Resource Center. I quit in November 2006. She quit shortly after I did. Now she works at Logan Regional. I hope I can find a job up that way. I love the drive through Sardine Canyon and the Wellsvilles.  Anyway - Mary was tending her grandchildren (who are curious and lively!) and it was great to catch up. I had given her a book of my poetry "Heartbeats" and her mom was down from Canada and has read it. She told me that I am a fine poet. Wasn't that kind of her? She loved the poem about Grandma Irene. She told me that I write for regular people, not so much to intellectualize everything, but to bring a common bond between people. That is exactly right! I felt understood by her and was humbled by her comments.

My to do list is still huge --- I have a stack of ironing. EW. The bathroom needs to be cleaned! But all those things can wait - until some other things get done.

Graydon told me yesterday that he was trying to not eat carbohydrates so he wouldn't have to take insulin. But he discovered for himself that he needs the carbs to have energy. I just listened - no lecture...I know that diabetes is challenging for him and that it is a lifestyle change. He can't even eat out and enjoy it - because he has to inject himself and doesn't want to do that in public. I know his friend Ryan understands and watches over him a bit to make sure he does eat. I don't know if Taler understands the seriousness though. I know that she is seriously attracted to Graydon - but does she understand that he needs help --- just some encouragement, or maybe she could pretend to be hungry so he WOULD eat? I don't know.

Randy and I usually talk in the car. It's great to talk to someone who is a friend, who listens, and who thinks I am the most important person in his whole world. I am honored by this and sometimes baffled. He does deserve so much more and a much better wife. My longings must be imagined, I think. And this dream world I had hoped for, is surely all smoke and mist.