Angie and PJ have invited us down to a barbecue at their place in Farmington. It will be nice to visit with Angie's aunt and uncle who are visiting....because of all the hectic doings' at the wedding we didn't get to know anyone. So we are leaving for there soon.
I was a butt at choir practice. I think because I have felt really horrible for 2 days. Not that it should be an excuse. Just poor people skills. YIKES. I am always ashamed of myself when I get 'out of hand.' Poor Mike...I felt bad that I couldn't really even play today---I felt so horrible. When I came home and did a fingerstick my blood sugar was 297 and I realized I had forgotten to take any medication....double YIKES...but still no excuse for behavior.
I think what frustrates me the most, is that I fall so short of my own goals and hopes. Some days just picking myself up off my knees takes tremendous energy. I would say, "Why?" Except I know I couldn't leave Randy to do it all alone. But I am frustrated with myself. Is this part of cyclic depression or part of cyclic progression? Trying to get above who and what I am--- to a higher plane? I am not sure. But I know I can be better than I am.
Sometimes my dreams are less than realistic. It's like biting into that yummy cookie to discover that it's shaving cream and not the sweetness I desired. The hurt is still there and haunts me --- it catches me off-guard even though I am taking steps to minimize the exposure. If there is anything good or praiseworthy I seek for these things....in baby steps of course.
No comments:
Post a Comment