The weekend

Randy and I took 2 days off and went south--out to the desert. We stayed in Delta - ate Subway for dinner. We packed lots of nutritous foods/snacks - so didn't have to really eat out. We went to Oak City where his mom is from and visited with his Aunts and Uncle. We let Marley out on the leash - but it is not a safe environment. If you've seen hoarders and multiply it by 3 on 2 acres you can get a sense of what it is like. Everyone is in ill-health and so nothing gets done. We sat out by the road in chairs and visited.

Whenever we go there - I am always sad. Gosh - no one there close to help them ... and even if we were there - not sure they would let us! They seem fairly independent although frail.

Randy took me to Oak Creek Canyon. It was so beautiful. The meadows are lush and grassy because of all the rain and snow. We thought maybe the road would be closed to flooding -but it was open and there were lots of folks camping.

I am not much of a camper. I hate sleeping on the ground and if my leg aches - I don't sleep much. What can you do in the dark in a tent if you are sleepless and Randy is snoring like crazy?

You can't tell I've lost any weight yet - but I will keep after it.

I alluded to some surprising thoughts in an earlier post.

You know - I finally figured out that I can't be anyone other than who I am. Weird, yes? I mean, people have told me that - but one has to discover things alone sometimes. I am a small-town 'girl' who loves the desert, the mountains, books and music. Not so much the concerts, the movies, the parades. Too much noise and smell - then I always get sick after.

I hoped for all these grand things for myself and realize that they won't come to fruition. I will accomplish lots more - but not the GRAND things I hoped. It makes me sad - but at 53, there is only so much energy to do and time to get it done in.

Sister Bowman from the Georgia Macon Mission called today. Our Elder is having knee problems and will have MRIs (on both knees) this Wednesday. We hope he won't have to come home early for major knee surgery, but it is a possibility.

Julia is angry. Mostly I think because she is frightened and unsure of the future. She hasn't worked toward any goals or made any decisions yet about what, when, or where to do. I see this, I want to help. But she shuts me out.

Anyways - on the drive....we went through Eureka (my favorite place!)

These are looking towards the old Eureka Mine. The EPA has covered the ground with large rocks because of all the arsenic. The road to the mind is now gated. I love the sense of history - and even though it is a poor town - there is hope there...not the same dismal poverty of Oak City and Delta.

I told Randy a ton of stories about growing up. Stories he had never heard before. I am so lucky to have someone actually listen to those stories, because it seems like a release of something that has been choking me for a long time. I don't really think about this stuff or write about it, but the memories are there. Sometimes vicious and attack when least expected. But it was a good talk. At least my children don't know these stories and I have spared them the extra traumas of 1) knowing about it and 2) feeling sorry for me and or 3) creating some kind of fear in them --- that they don't need.

We did rockhound at Topaz Mountain - found some small bits of crystal. But the back side...WOW...a splendid place to wander.

Arrived home last night late. Wished Julie had come. She usually has funny stories and sings. But it was a peaceful time. I am so grateful for Randy who seems aware of when I reach my end and need a day away. And it is nice to be able to go and not have conversation but a peaceable, companionable silence. It is soul-filling.

I see Diamond Rio is coming July 1 to USU-Logan for their July 4 celebrations. We are not going. No money to do that. I told Randy that if Gene offers us tickets maybe we'll change our minds - but I have never known him to offer once...and we've seen them about 30 times!

Back to Advanced Acute Care. It's a weird day for June. Still cold. Wonder when/if we'll get cherries?