Horrific Day

Today has been a horrific day. Sometimes no matter how hard one tries to help --- and why did I offer? -- things turn out totally wrong.

First, we had a chicken rodeo this morning. I had to shut the little door - to keep in the naughty chicken who eats eggs. She had to be dispatched. There were 4 others eating lots of grain, but not laying anymore. So- after blocking the doorway....I raised up and cracked my head on the overhang. OUCH. It still hurts. Randy said the whole building rocked after I hit it. OOCHIMAMA.

Why are people mean? I have this quote, "When we judge, we expect. When we love, we accept." I know no one is perfect....but why are some people just mean? Why is it important for some to make others feel like they are less than they are? Like we don't know we don't measure up? I thought I was pretty hard on myself...but I am surprised at their ability to hurt me.

There is a woman in Jacksonville Ward - last time we were there, I discovered that she doesn't like me. I was astonished. Had I done something? Or was I just too weird? So it was the silent treatment all around.  I know I offend people, it's a hazard for me. But it is usually not intentional.

Randy's Aunt Sheila is moving here from Idaho. We had offered to drive up to Idaho with the truck and help her. I asked her if she'd like to spend the first night with us and have dinner - thinking that it will be hot and also tiring to move house. However, I am now in the doghouse - because I have insinuated she is incapable and feeble!!! Good gravy.

Oh - and Ken (Randy's brother) and his wife hate us. I am not sure why. Ever since Randy's Dad got married (after Vonetta passed away)...and I planned the reception. (Something else I am not good at!) And Ken threatened me with bodily harm because I inadvertently offended him. He scared the crap out of me. Over a table.  Ken and his wife are helping Sheila move...we have been disinvited because Sheila says she knows that we don't get along.

I hate this family crap. This is why I do not go to family parties. This is why I tend to stick to myself. I will have to do a better job avoiding people. I hate walking on eggshells and hoping things will all work out.

Julie hates me. (LATER: She doesn't hate me. She is upset and I just happened to be the person in the way. I love her and I missed her terribly. Randy says we are way too much alike. I have hope for her. She has many great qualities. But when she is mad at me - it just about kills me. Someday I hope she will want to have lunch together and go shopping together and stuff. Especially since I don't have many close friends and because I don't have any sisters. My adopted sister, Katie, lives in Illinois. I'm pretty sure we would maybe do lunch....but not anything else. She likes to bowl! EW.)

Julie is home from Las Vegas. I was in the bathroom and she came in the doorway and gave me a look of total disgust. I had no idea that I was repulsive. I'm sure that she loves me. I just need to be patient!

So here is where I'm at. No more offers. I plan to stay home and mind my own business. Gee Whiz.

Well, it is Monday afternoon 6-27; I think I will live...and I'm not quite ready to give up. Hey maybe I needed a spanking? Gee Whiz....I'm not grown up yet =o)