thinking...

thinking of Sylvia Plath today....her pains and demons.  Today is the anniversary of her death.

I have a few of my own.  It is why I relate I guess.

Yep, I know.  I am so self-moralizing, self-defeating, self-concerned....some days are like this.



“Mad Girl's Love Song"

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)”
― Sylvia Plath



Poor Julie.  It is hard to have a mother that lives life on the brink.
The brink of disaster, brink of no dinner, brink of tears, brink of life,
       and sometimes thoughtlessness.

Some days the darkness lurks.  I wish and hope for so many things.
Maybe that search for some kind of perfection is why I am here.
I wish I could sit in Randy's lap today.