Writers by nature are fairly introspective. Even though my poetry may not win awards, I don't have an agent, I haven't finished college, etc., writing is very important to me. This introspection comes at a price because too much can lead to full-blown depression. But not today, I think.
This past week I became angry because one of my friends feelings were hurt. I realized yesterday! (An aha moment) that the anger had allowed me to lose control and if I lose control I cannot be led by the Lord to do the right thing. I was and am ashamed of myself, although I am currently in the process of repentance.
At a meeting in the Assembly Hall when Randy and I were first married (that was our Stake Center in SL) the speaker talked about anger. He said the danger of going out into the world and fighting dragons is that sometimes in fighting a dragon, one can become a dragon.
And that is what happened to me (By the way, I didn't look that amazing!) =O) I was so angry that it took me over for a day or so until Randy said, "Hey, why are you SO mad?" I had to stop and assess. What? I was OUT OF CONTROL. I needed a major time out. I read my scriptures, had my prayers, practiced, went visiting teaching and soon was right side up again.
So anger leads to the dark side. I've always known it, I just forget how fast it happens! YIKES. Even for a good cause....righteous anger (which is what I THOUGHT it was) leads to the dark side if it takes over. Hm. I need to post a few dragons around until I get this embedded.
Another horrible thing I did...when I went vt to Dianne Curtis home....I was telling her about Sunday's sacrament hymn. The rhythm was wrong. Anything written in 6/4 should be played as two beats per measure 123,123 in a triplet sort of manner. Of course, I HAD to say something. She asked me the hymn (177) and then she sang it to me perfectly. What is so petty about this....is that I HATE playing the organ and I am not good at it and there is Dianne trying every time she is asked and does a perfectly splendid job. Who am I to be critical? I feel pitiful about it. I need to grovel with brownies. Good thing she loves me. I can go apologize and it will be fine.
Gosh, I hate it when I mess things up. I hate it when I start feeling superior and think I know it all. POOKY.
Has anyone seen the musical "My Fair Lady?" Professor Higgins takes a flower seller off the streets and decides to make her a duchess by completely turning her into a real lady. The first thing they work on is cleanliness and the next language. I think I first saw this film in high school. Audrey Hepburn lip-synced the songs, because they really wanted her for the part, but she wasn't a singer. Anyway, I realized in the middle of that film that language is a tool. How we use it, tells everything about us to another person. We can be dressed in clothes from Kmart and have class if we speak in a refined manner. So I worked hard to get rid of all the Oh My Go__, Sh__, and other coarse and vulgar things from my vocabulary. I am still working on not being loud or abrasive. I know a lot of people who say that they are p-offed. It is so crude. I remember a saying from Grandma, "You can't make a silk purse, out of a sows ear." Professor Higgins did. Speech separates us from white trash, from second rate anything. I might not be able to get a table at the best restaurants dressed from Kmart, but the way I speak will certainly bring me better friends and more opportunities.
There was an article I read about Hilary Clinton in the White House. The staff member said that in front of the press she was articulate (graduated from the best university!) and kind. Behind closed doors she swore like a sailor and was crude and "trash." Ew. That doesn't bode well for our country.
OK, enough philosophizing for one Saturday morning. Just things I am thinking about.
Oh, I think I found the most wonderful birthday gift for Valerie Neslen. Don't tell her. I didn't spend a fortune, but it is something I think she can use. =O) (Hm....I wonder where I put it? EEEK!)
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