Valentines Day was amazing. Not because of gifts, but because of the sweet things. Randy posted little notes throughout the house and I reciprocated. He thought it was more fun than an Easter egg hunt.
Through the grapevine we found out that Julie is pregnant. Unmarried, unemployed, and pregnant. We were devestated by the news. And then later, someone let us know that her boyfriend wished he could have slapped me around after I called her. Oh my girlie. I have such high hopes for you and have cried so many tears. I know you will read this and be angry. But I tell you this my sweet, sweet girl...There is an AMAZING woman in there somewhere and someday you will want to come home. I hope you remember that you CAN. Dad and I love you so very much.
During this time my daughters-in-law have been the best ever, always encouraging and being funny and loving. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
My prayer list is huge. I keep teasing Randy that Heavenly Father has milk and cookies while I'm on my knees. I have offered many prayers for the Michaelis family, the Dubes, my visiting teachees: Lois, and Dianne. Also, Sherrie Raymond, Caleb Wagstaff (on his mission) Loralee (for her hip), my favorite (Grant Young) and the Gomez family. I wondered how I might be able to give a little more of myself. So on Monday (Tues?) I called Lori Gomez and took her to DQ so we could visit. She carries a ton of baggage and scars from all the hurt. I wonder how much of it is self-perpetuating? There are just so many that have suffered as children. I remember at one of my jobs, sitting at a long table with 12 women during lunch. Ten of those had been sexually and physically abused by their parents. One of them was almost killed by her husband and was starting life over with a new name. She didn't tell us her other name. Poor dear. I realized at that moment, I couldn't let the past have any hold on me. Too many other women have suffered and overcome things worse than I can even imagine. It was a lightning bolt moment... I had to push forward and I wasn't going to be the victim ever again. My dad no longer has any power over me. Although, I am quite hard on myself. I expect perfection. Dang it. I want to do the right thing EVERY time and I have high expectations from my friends.
My friend Peter Tork (of the Monkees) remember them? He told me once, "Dawnie, just remember the past enough to be safe--so it doesn't bite you in the butt unexpectedly. Then turn back around and look foward to the future." Great advice.
Randy and I rescued a little border collie/beagle pup (she ate one of my shoes!). I named her Piper. Yesterday she ran away. But came back. A miracle. She didn't want to be caught. She wanted to run and run. I hope a nice person will want to train her as a sheep dog. She has incredible stamina. Marley is like me....a little bulky in the middle, but we love to get out. Penny Roche is helping me find Piper a home, as her family know quite a few more farming folks than we do.
Grant is really quite sick. I am worried about him.
Piano students this week. Goodness, when they really decide to do the work...wow....amazing progress.
My practicing has been sporadic...lots of headaches and a terrible flu...I want to spell it flEW - because the nausea was really EW.
It has been so fun to hear about Jill Lumgair's life on facebook. We knew her best as Jill Deccio, crazy =O) but a very compassionate teenager. We loved having her in our home. Married with children of her own, her resilience and enormous work ethic has helped her develop into an extraordinary person. I am so grateful she still loves me. There were times when I was unkind. I have a tendency to drive people away after awhile.
I really enjoy my solitude during the day. I love it when the house is quiet. I used to play music all day. But now, that's usually only an hour unless I'm reviewing my pieces. The quiet calms my soul and I seem to require at least a little every day to guard my self from the pettiness of the world.
Someone said some unkind things to Tammera Michaelis, who is a dear friend. I was so angry. I had to go outside and play with Marley so I could make dinner in a better humor. Probably, like all of us, it was said meaning well, not realizing the criticism behind the meanings.
Words sure can hurt. But they can uplift too. I hope that my sweet young mothers, (MINE?) friends...will know how much I love them. I hope my daughters-in-law know how much I love and admire them too. Wow, Angie is such a powerhouse woman! She is taking a Constitution class. That was hard for me in college...just to stay awake. The language was difficult, and I'm not interested in politics (which does not bode well for society--the apathy!) So I love when she rants and shares about issues. I have to stop and check it out. I think I am better informed because of her.
Kellye has taught me much about patience and loyalty to family--no matter what. Since Taylor has a disability (sometimes it's easy to forget) He is very smart and active...he requires a lot of patience. I'm sure Kellye has fall-apart times. But she hangs in there. I love that she takes care of herself and always looks great. I love that she is kind to her children.
I just noticed I don't say much about the boys. Well, they are all nice-looking. I'm proud to have two of them serve in the military. I'm grateful they both came home in one piece. They are all very intelligent and love books. (A necessity at our house!)
I am reading Enders Game by Orson Scott Card. I know they are making a movie and Harrison Ford is going to be Colonel Graff. I either never read it or have Half-himers, because I am shocked at the treatment of little people. It is so well written and a compelling story, so I plan to finish. I found a new book called The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman. I love all of her novels.
It's almost 3 a.m. My days and nights seem to be at odds with each other. But the pain has lessened in my knees. So I think I will go back to bed now.
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