January 22, 2012

After several nights of not sleeping well....I slept until after 12:00 noon on Saturday! It was wonderful to get up and not be in pain. I am so grateful. Randy was out doing the shopping for me. What would I do without him? He earned several kisses and "man of year" award yet again. He wanted to go see a movie -- so we went to see War Horse. Oh my, it was a movie with soul and goodness. I want to read the book now, as I discovered that Joey was a real horse and the story is true.

Am up studying for tomorrow's RS lesson "Waiting Upon the Lord:Thy Will Be Done."  and then of course have to read the commentary at the "Feast Upon the Word" blog which always helped me with my lessons and even though I don't teach in RS, I am always fed by the comments of other people. Sometimes I notice that some obscure scripture that ties in....lingers on in my memory and so "feeds" me at a later snack, when I question something....for example:

"For further scriptural discussion of waiting upon the Lord, I found the scriptures listed in footnote 12 to be most useful.

• Psalms 37:9 Here, waiting = an action that leads to inheritance; to becoming an heir (child) of God
• Psalms 123:2 Note that the actual word “wait” here is not in the original. Another translation that conveys the same meaning but doesn’t insert “wait” would be “so our eyes look upon the Lord our God until he mercy upon us.” However, the connection here between the implicit waiting and sight is very interesting and worth exploring. (Elder Hales makes a similar thematic connection near the end of his talk: “I pray that we will be strengthened to watch with Him and wait upon Him through all our days” [emphasis mine].)
• Isaiah 8:17 Waiting here is again presented alongside the theme of sight: the Lord is someone to be sought, i.e., looked for. A possible parallel evident in this verse between waiting upon the Lord and looking for him.
• Isaiah 40:31 Waiting here is again presented as a source of power and renewal
• 2 Nephi 18:17 (see note for Isaiah 8:17)"

Biography: 

When I went to live with the Learned family, I was given catechism lessons to become Catholic. I developed a fixation on the saints after reading about Joan of Arc and the miracles at Lourdes. I firmly believed (in my 8 year old heart) that a saint would hear my prayers and save me from so many bad things. I eventually lost that faith in saints, and later in God, until that experience dabbling in black magic when I was 16. Who knew that the Springfield library had a whole section dedicated to covens, spells, tarot, etc????   Who knew that the powers were real and could lead me to a very bad and scary night? I learned for myself that God lives, and he heard me and saved me. That faith has remained unshaken and grown into a series of experiences that entice me to continue to try and persevere---that yet I may become the person I hope to be. I don't think it is perfection as the world sees it...but a perfect me....kind, considerate, willing to serve, and using my talents in whatever way I can to serve. 

Music for me, is my selfish curse. It is the one thing I have wanted more than any earthly thing. More than family or children. When I went to the Temple and prayed, cried, begged "Why can't I have a smidgen of talent? Why can't I be given just more????" The answer was sobering...and one that Randy always suspected. "You have the talent, but cannot use it here. You would not stay true and faithful." I cried - for about 4 months. And I know that it true. Music would become everything. Randy said that if I was a musician the way I want and hope to be, I never would have married, never would have searched out where I belong, because music fills me up. So it is a curse and yet a blessing. 

I practiced several days in a row and making good progress on my pieces. My teacher Janis is back from her trip so I get some time Tuesday for a lesson...and then my exam retake. Oy Vey - I am praying for that 92 (elusive graduation=O). And if I don't get it, I will take the 89 and apply for other positions anyway. I will just do the best I can.

Getting ready for my new Family History class. Doing research - just a little on Sunday afternoons. I need to write Julie tomorrow as well, because I didn't write. I don't want to write her when I feel like lecturing, so decided to wait! 

Ryan called Randy this week. He got a new job with ADT alarms and is making more money and working less hours. I'm proud of him that he is managing on his own.

Julie sent me a note asking me to not write about her in my blog, which is also my journal. I miss her though and this is MY journal. After all, she had no thought about writing about us as being bigots etc. I am heartsick at the choices she made/and is making. Enough said. I am waiting upon the Lord and He, who knows all and loves her too will keep her in His care. I have to let go. (Although it about strangles me to do it.)

Well here it is 3:30 a.m. I think my knee has calmed back down. 

By the way...I have a hen who is a good layer....the others picked on her so badly that she had a gaping bloody wound. I removed her from the pen...she is healing. Gosh - chickens are so cannibalistic, it is GROSS. I think I am going to file their beaks down a little, so they can't do so much damage. Randy is going to help me. YUCKY.

Isn't the snow beautiful! Great white, wet, flakes blizzarding down through the trees...water for the summer! I'm grateful =O).

Our family is remembering Kylee Michaelis in our prayers as she goes in for surgery on Monday. Our prayers are for Kylee and her parents who will probably be "beside themselves" with worry. We love you Kylee!