I feel so blessed. My first poem of the new year came last night. Have not written for awhile. I need solitude and time to reflect, which is difficult with a 3-year-old. The stress over the last month has been incredible. I have Celexa which I take every day, but the added pressures of company and extra kids have about done me in, not to mention congregation change. We were in the Perry 9th Ward. (A ward is a church congregation of about 500 people or so.) We are now in the 8th ward -- and it is a difficult change for me, as most of my friends moved to the 5th ward or the new 10th ward. When Randy and I first moved to Perry there were 2 wards. Now there are 10. It seems crazy. Anyway, I am substituting in Primary tomorrow. (Think of Jr. Sunday School!) This for 3 year olds. The lesson is "I Am A Child of God," which is lovely. Just occupying that age group is exhausting. Fortunately there are only 4 kids coming, hopefully. I have been going to Primary for 3 weeks trying to help Bella adjust to all the changes. We had one day where she had a royal meltdown and I had to take her home until she got a grip. After she calmed down she decided to go back and try and again, bless her. I thought that was mighty brave.
Also, when I met with our Brother Case ...I was informed that all the music and teaching positions were filled..and so I wasn't needed in those.....and so far there has been no place for me to fit in. There are four or five ladies my age, but they don't seem to make room. Last week, a Kali Winward (I played keyboards for her wedding...a little George Strait!) saved me a seat and asked me to sit with her. I was so grateful. Life is hard some days. My hens are laying now and so far I am getting 5-6 eggs a day. Pretty good when you think of the temperature stressor. Eventually all 16 will be laying and i will have eggs to sell.
Kellye was here with the grandkids from Arizona for three days....Dec 27 through 30. It is always so hard. The twins will be 12 on Jan 20. Kayla is the bossy one. She is always in your face busy and wants a project to do. Ayden is the quiet one, who just sits back and lets life pass him by. Kayla is very active in everything in school, she is on student council etc. She also plays horn in jazz band. She is quite good. Ayden plays Tuba and loves it. He is leery of marching band because he is of slight build and has terrible anxiety. He is on ADD medicine and also an antianxiety med. I have been teaching him piano for 4 years via Skype once a week. He has the ability, but not the discipline. I really began piano at 27. I have no talent (what everyone tells me) except that I am a great accompanist, teacher, and sight reader. But mostly, I just practice a lot.
Marley has conjunctivitis again, but now it is in her other eye. Thank goodness I still have some medicine left over.
I think I've got the lesson ready for tomorrow. Church from 8-11 a.m.. 8 to 9 is Sacrament Meeting. 9-10 is sharing time for all Primary ages. then 10-11 is class time. We now have four wards meeting in one building, so we are a bit squished. Next ward is at 9, and then 11, and then 1. Randy was just made Scoutmaster. He has two scouts. He is working on developing a plan for teaching leadership skills. He has been a Scoutmaster for 30 years.
Well, thank you for reading and letting me vent. The Morphine is starting to work and my pain level has dropped back to manageable. Thank goodness. If this poem works out I will share. I need to get writing. I have so many goals and so many improvements I want to make in my own life, it feels like time is rushing by and I will never be anything. For Christmas I bought a pendant with a quote from my favorite poet, Sylvia Plath...."I can never read all the books I hope to read. I can never be all the people I hope to be. I can never live all the lives I hope to live." I only have a few goals: To be a good musician, to write!, and to love my children and grandchildren. When I started my list I wasn't friends with Katie, so now I will add, and to be a good sister to someone who deserves a good sister.
I have a waiting list for students. Imagine that! I am 1.5 years shy of my teaching degree...(did not finish my jury senior recital) and I am not that great of a pianist. I don't do recitals for my students anymore because I can't afford to rent the hall. Besides, most parents don't really come to hear the other kids, just their own, and it is tedious to sit for an hour and listen to everyone. But I am a stickler for music theory and the groundwork. Then...I really try to help them find a better teacher to improve their playing. So far, so good. Just 9 students. I can do it right? Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...What do we do? we SWIM!!!!!
Whew. Well here it is 1 a.m. I need to stop fretting and get to bed. Need to fix snacks and also find my Gospel Art Book to take to class. I know it is SOMEWHERE.
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